In every story, love is the mystery that is always on the table. In the beginning of your story, the question may appear to be a choice between loving and not loving. But perhaps you have already noticed that, in fact, you have no choice. And while love can be painful and messy and awkward and humiliating, the alternative is unbearable.
It seems that as we each grow and evolve, we’re constantly reframing our relationship to what love means.
Can you relate to this dilemma? I want to belong (to feel connected and loved), but not at the cost of losing myself.
Do you see where this dilemma lives in your memoir?
Remember that love is an idea; it is subjective. When I ask writers what their protagonist wants in their memoir, they often say “love.” While that is true, what we are really seeking is what we think love will provide, such as security, meaning, purpose, status, connection, validation, etc.
Notice where this lives in your story, because love is not your theme — love is the fuel that drives your theme. When you experience true love, you tap into that deep well of creative energy, an understanding that there is something beyond your own idea of how things ought to go.
Love changes us.
When we experience love, it is the most obvious and undeniable experience. When we’re scared or hurt, we question the existence of love and chastise ourselves for ever having taken such a risk and making ourselves so vulnerable.
Love defies logic. It makes you generous, it makes you sacrifice willingly, pulls rabbits out of hats, performs miracles on demand, and, as storytellers, it is the fabric through which you weave your tale. Love is brutal. It grabs you by the neck and forces you to look at things you’ve been refusing to admit to yourself. Love is madness — howling so hard your body shakes, tears staining your cheeks, unlocking something inside you until your heart cracks open against your will.
Love is my son’s huge chestnut eyes staring straight into me unblinking over his oatmeal, while my wife chuckles at my silent terror, knowing I would sacrifice anything for this little monster.
Find the love in your story, dance with it, howl and scream and fight with it, so you can discover for yourself that it can never ever betray you. It is who you are in spite of all the bullshit you were told. Trust this place inside you that may be bruised and broken and numb, because it holds the key to your true power. When you finally submit to it, you will discover the ending to your story.
Learn more about marrying the wildness of your imagination to the rigor of structure in The 90-Day Novel, The 90-Day Memoir, or The 90-Day Screenplay workshops.
