“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
– Socrates
Years ago, I was on the phone with a prospective student, and he announced, “I will consider myself a failure if my book does not become a bestseller.”
Not only did this fellow not have a publishing contract, he hadn’t written a word of his novel yet. Talk about pressure! My heart sinks a little when I hear the relationship that some people have with their creativity.
I was kind to the gentleman. I said, “I can’t help you, but maybe UCLA Extension teaches classes on how to write a bestseller.” Because over the years I’ve discovered that it isn’t my job to take on every student. My job is to teach writers how to marry their curiosity to craft . . . but only to the willing. Because craft without passion is useless, and passion without wisdom quickly leads to solipsistic drivel.
And yet, this is the artist’s dilemma. You want your work to be enjoyed and celebrated by multitudes, but the moment you put the result before the process, you get stuck. In an attempt to make your work popular, you kill the magic that makes it universally relatable.
There is a necessary rebelliousness demanded of you to arrive at something special. You are a rulebreaker by definition: questioning everything, listening to your heart, even as it seems at odds with logic and reason. You are forever dancing in that liminal space between the sacred and the profane.
Imagine for a moment the psychic burden you put on yourself when you attach the possibility of “failure” to what is really just playing in the sandbox. If you can’t imagine this, then imagine you’re the parent to a toddler, and you tell them that they only have one chance to learn to walk. The way we talk to our creative selves can sometimes be unhelpful.
The fact is, until we submit to the muse and allow the thrill of creation to be its own reward, we will never touch the divine. We must disavow ourselves of the notion that we are the author, and surrender to the truth that we are the channel. Being an artist is a humbling process. We are not in control, and yet, through submitting to some mysterious place inside of ourselves, some inner Narnia, we step through a portal where we have access to truths we hadn’t previously considered.
Trust Your Subconscious
Put simply, I’m teaching you to trust your subconscious. This can be scary as we undo the conditioning we’ve often attached to our basic survival. It is amazing the “cognitive distortions” we live with on a daily basis, the depth of untruth we simply accept as our waking reality. This is why it can be helpful to do this work in a group, where you are supported, and you discover that you are not alone on the creative rollercoaster.
It took three more years for that man to walk into my class. He didn’t mention our previous phone call, and neither did I. I could feel that something had shifted in him. I saw the lights come on in his eyes. He had loosened his grip on his fantasy, in order to allow his dreams to be birthed.
What is Your Idea of Success?
Is it a big fat publishing deal? An international readership? Millions of dollars? These are worthy goals, I suppose, but they are also a way of keeping you from being present with your work. You can play it safe, laboring over your description of the lotus flower, while ignoring the true impulse to write about the text thread from your alcoholic sibling who is still trapped in their victimhood, and how it is breaking your heart.
Find the love in your story and you will find the drama. Let the doors of your heart swing open. Surprise yourself with your grief, your joy, your sensual abandon.
Being an artist is a lifelong journey of trusting yourself. No one has the answers for you. There are no gurus. I’ve noticed that the less adept the teacher is, the more they need to sound like they’ve got the answers. Arrogance is no replacement for sincere inquiry. And love. That’s right, love. It is a teacher’s job to hold a space for them to struggle, to wrestle with their story. And the teacher, if they’re any good, will hold this space. The teacher’s job is to be at least as curious about the truth as their student.
Learn more about marrying the wildness of your imagination to the rigor of structure in The 90-Day Novel, The 90-Day Memoir, or The 90-Day Screenplay workshops.
